When You Don't Get the Gold Medal

I started running a race years ago and I still don't have my gold medal...I got a boat load of other stuff though. I honestly don't know if I ever made a specific goal. I always followed the rules and lived peacefully among others so I could glorify God. I wanted everyone to get along and I wanted to help others whenever I could. When I imagined my life as an adult, by this point in my life I wanted to have a career, a social life, and a family. In reality, I've had a lot of random jobs, I guess I have a social life and I just started my family (it's my husband and me). I don't see my life as a "gold medal". I love my life; it's just not what I expected. Not only do I feel like I don't have the gold medal, I feel like I'm not even on the path that I started anymore. Which can get confusing. It's like if you prepare to go to Canada and end  up in Hawaii. That's my life; I planned to go to Canada but ended up in Hawaii, which is why I feel so bad complaining about it. So I talked to a colleague to figure out what direction I should go in, and I didn't get the response I expected.

My colleague shared Hebrews 11:6 with me where it says without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. I had read it before, but she added a footnote to it. She said, "...it may not be the reward you expect". That statement lines up with another one of my favorite scriptures: 1 Corinthians 2:9 “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him." So obviously, the reward that God has for me won't be something that I expect. Still not really helping.

The thing about life is there is no "right way" to do it, you just have to lie. Unfortunately I've reached a point in life where I'm scared to live. I worry about even the smallest decisions because I don't know how I ended up where I am. I don't know which straw was the one that broke that poor camel's back. I think I want to open a studio. Last year, I officially started a business ByJRochelle We provide video, graphics, and photography services. My goal right now is to save enough money to buy a building and equip i with everything I need for 2 fully-functioning video studios and 1 fully-functioning audio studio. Sounds pretty lofty, but I'm sure I an do it if I can just stop worrying about what didn't happen. Oh well...until next time

Jeniro is on the Go! Catch of with her @TheJRochelle