Langston Hughes penned a poem that asked the question, “What happens to a dream deferred?” M. Hughes then proceeds to give a few options: a) dry up, b) fester, c)stink, d) sag, or e) explode. My deferred dream sagged then festered. It started to weigh me down back in 2007 and as of 2012 it’s festering. So, I recently asked a friend to mentor me because honestly, I got to a point in life where I gave up; for years I worked hard in all areas of my life but my dreams remained deferred so I figured that there was not point.
Like I said, I asked my friend to mentor me, this was Friday June 1. Now, I’m Christian and one thing I love about my relationship with God is that He always talks to me and when I make decisions he gives me confirmation. The very next Sunday, my pastor preached a sermon on “Not Settling for Good Enough”. I was more sure than ever that I was going in the right direction!
My new mentor is a relatively new friend who I work with. I told her that up to this point in my life I have done the “right thing” with no results and she is in a place that I would like to be. She works in my field, she’s a wife, and a mother. The most important reason that I chose her is because she is honest and meticulous. I know that she’d give me the feedback and support that I seek.
In preparation for our first “meeting” I googled questions to ask your mentor and I found a pretty awesome list. At the end, the author said this:
“Okay, are you ready? Here’s the fun part. It’s time to ask yourself these questions. And this is what this post is really about. I mean seriously, how can you justify asking anyone anything about who they are and how they think if you haven’t asked yourself the same questions? And arrived at some honest, introspective answers?”
I agree with that statement, so over the next few days (which turned into weeks) I will answer these questions in my blog and also share my the progress with my new mentor. I’m looking forward to moving into the destiny that I’m supposed to live out! Until next time, I’m on the go!
Here are the questions: http://bigfishtopdogs.com/2011/02/23-extraordinary-questions-to-ask-your-mentor/
- What qualities do you look for in the people you hang out with?
I look for people who care about others and like to have clean fun. If I notice that someone mistreats others or even says mean things about other people (behind their backs) I pretty much stay away because I believe that I will get the same treatment. I never believe that I will be an exception to their attitudes and practices. Additionally, while I like to have fun, I do not like crude humor. It makes me uncomfortable. In addition to the aforementioned explanations, those are both attributes that I don’t want to be associated with. If someone is known for crude humor and/or gossip I don’t want to hang around them and risk someone seeing us together and assuming that we are alike.
- If you wanted to encourage innovative ideas, how would you go about it?
I build relationships and ask questions to encourage innovative ideas. When someone shares an idea with me I ask a lot of questions so we can get to something really great. But before I do that I make a safe environment for idea sharing by doing several things. I include people in “small” decisions. Sometimes I use people’s ideas even if I don’t like them because I never want someone to become uncomfortable or unwilling to share ideas with me at the risk of being ridiculed or ignored. That doesn’t mean I take every suggestion; there’s a difference between a “bad idea” and an “idea that I don’t like”. I don’t like bad ideas, but not all ideas that I don’t like are bad. That person who I disregard may have an awesome idea some day, but because I haven’t built a relationship with that person he or she may feel uncomfortable sharing with me. Once I was shooting a video that involved balloons. The person running the teleprompter thought that it would be a good idea to put a balloon in front of the camera as if it floated in front of the lens. Even though I didn’t like that suggestion, this person is very creative and I don’t want him to stop giving me suggestions so I told him to put the balloon in front of the camera; though I didn’t like the idea, the shot didn’t look bad so I decided that it wouldn’t hurt to use his suggestion so we did.
- How would you describe your personal style?
I consider my style fashion forward conservative. I like to accentuate my positives while leaving quite a bit to the imagination. I haven’t bought many new clothes in years, but I continue to reinvent my wardrobe by mixing pieces and adding accessories.
- How do you give credit where credit is due?
I pay attention to who is doing what; it’s easy to overlook the “small” things. I am sure to say thank you in front of others and I reiterate that something was someone else’s idea.
- If you wanted to create an environment where motivation can thrive, what’s the first thing you would do?
Make sure I’m motivated; and if I’m not motivated figure out why I’m not. I think a positive attitude is contagious and it doesn’t necessarily come from saying positive things. Motivation doesn’t mean fussing or pointing out everything that someone isn’t doing.
- How do you show others that you believe in them?
I don’t micro manage. I try my best to let people figure things out on their own because I know that they can. Sometimes it may take them longer than it took me, but they aren’t supposed to be on my timetable, they are supposed to be on their own.
- Who has influenced you the most?
I guess my mom has influenced me the most. She always told me that the only thing I can really control is myself and that’s how I live my life. It helps be to focus on what I can do as opposed to what I can’t do.
- What do you do to challenge your underlying beliefs, paradigms and assumptions?
I try to remember that my beliefs, paradigms and assumptions were adopted for a purpose and as I grow up, I realize that some of those purposes no longer exist. So I think about why I believe what I believe and if it doesn’t line up with my CURRENT purpose then I start actively assign new B, P, and A.
- What would you do differently if given the opportunity?
I like my life and I feel like everything that I have done (even the mistakes) led me to this point so I wouldn’t want to do anything differently.
- When is breaking the rules okay?
It’s okay to break rules when you have permission and it won’t hurt anyone (physically, mentally, emotionally, etc...). Rules are put into place by people who have looked at the big picture and until the rules are changed we should follow those rules. If there is something you really need, then find someone in authority and ask them if it’s okay to do something that may be against the rules. If they say it’s okay then you can break the rule.
- What does working ‘on’ your business mean to you?
Working on your business means looking at it from the outside (as an observer) and identifying ways that it could be improved.
- What does empowerment mean to you?
Empowerment means believing in someone so much that you give them control over something that is important to you in addition to any supplies he/she may need to complete that task.
- How and where do you find inspiration?
I find inspiration from God through prayer, quiet time, and reading the Bible. I believe that I already have everything inside of me to be creative and effective so I just really need believe in myself. Scriptures help me to believe in myself. When I look anywhere else, I sell myself short. When I remember that the creator of the universe says that I can do all things then that really motivates me to want to do all things!
- If you wanted to find the second best answer to a question or problem, what technique would you use?
I would pick the first best answer apart by taking all the components of it and asking myself, what would I do if I didn’t have “x”
- Why do you do what you do?
I’m good at it and it makes me happy. I can do anything media for hours (without noticing the time). I’m a rare mix of creative and organized.
- How do you approach the unknown?
I learn as much as I can, do what I can do, and I don’t worry about what I can’t do.
- How do you keep your feelings from clouding your decision-making?
I make a plan with a specific purpose then I focus on the purpose. Emotions are temporary so I’d never want to make a permanent decision based on a temporary feeling. Any emotion can distract me but if I remember the purpose I can easily get back on track.
- What’s the best way to keep your eye on future results?
Write goals down and review them as often as necessary. Set reminders in your smart phone or on your computer so no matter what you will be reminded of the promise.
- How do you bring courage and conviction to risky situations?
I practice doing the right thing in the “easy” situations that way the right thing is pretty much a habit.
- What values are you committed to?
Fairness, justice, and kindness.
- What do you do to live a balanced life?
I set priorities and identify what’s important so I can know when to say no. There are opportunities around every corner and honestly I want to do it all. The most important things to me are my relationship with God and my husband. I never want to do anything that will negatively impact either of those.
- What are 5 key books you feel I should read, and why?
The Bible: Even if you aren’t Christian, the Bible covers EVERY possible situation you could ever face. It’s filled with the experiences and insights of a wide range of people in a wide range of situations. I just happen to be Christian and reading the Bible is a good way to get to know my God.
Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts: Even if you aren’t getting married this book helps you organize your beliefs and priorities. Knowing yourself will give you a fast track to knowing where you want to go. Once you get married, accept a job, or pretty much participate in any activity involving other people you will know how to communicate your desires.
Green Eggs and Ham: When it comes to a lot of things people get stuck in a rut; they are scared to try anything new. I think this book is a fun reminder that you really don’t know whether or not you like something until you try it.
Bad Girls from the Bible and What We Can Learn From Them: People always say that “experience” is the best teacher and I believe that doesn’t mean that I have to make all the mistakes; I can learn from someone else’s mistakes. A lot of times when teaching life lessons we focus on the ones who “got it right” but many times the ones who got it wrong can teach us invaluable lessons! Further more, just because someone gets it wrong, doesn’t mean that everything about that person is wrong. This book puts experiences into perspective; not only do you learn about a few bad girls it will help you look at the bad girls in your life a little differently.
Bitter is the New Black : Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass,Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office: This book is based on a true story! My name is Jenny and this book is about Jen! Jen had to learn some hard lessons and rearrange her priorities, the experience didn't change who she was inside. Though she learned not to blow wads of money on senseless things, and learned some respect for menial jobs, she didn't change the person she was.
- What dreams and goals inspired you to succeed?
I always wanted to have options. I was never sure exactly what I wanted to do but I wanted to be prepared for as many opportunities as possible.
