Gary Chapman wrote a book entitled "The Five Love Languages...:" which outlines five ways to express and experience love: acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, gifts and physical touch. Unfortunately, Physical Touch and Receiving Gifts are definitely the red-headed step-children among love languages. From a young age, we hear phrases like "money can't buy you love", "she's a gold digger", and "he just wants me for my body". As a matter of fact, society and media view words of affirmation, acts of service, and quality time as the love languages we must forge to receive "physical touch" or "gifts".
Society shuns people who speak and hear love as physical touch or gifts. The fact of the matter is people are different. What makes one person feel loved will not necessarily make another person feel loved and by nature, we tend to express love to others in the way we wish they would express love to us. Oftentimes we are told rather bluntly that our way is wrong. Of course no says "your way is wrong" they say, "you just want me for my body", "don't touch me" or "you ain't nothing but a gold digger". The receiver sees the giver's love as insincere and when the giver fails to receive a positive reaction, he or she becomes frustrated. Those on both ends feel unloved when the problem is that they are speaking the wrong love language. So if you really want to share love you need to learn about love languages. If it turns out to be physical touch or receiving gifts don't become judgmental.
I'm even guilty of being judgmental in this area. In the south, physical touch seems to be a popular love language. Everyone wants a hug, guys want to hold hands on the first date, people want to put their hands on your shoulder while talking. Though I have eased up a little, this bothers me. I don't like to hug "random people" and I certainly don't want random people putting their hands on my shoulders while talking. Unfortunately, many people took my disdain of physical touch as statement of how I felt about them. Even though I affirmed and spent quality time with them, I was not speaking their love language. Furthermore, my facial expression and reaction just solidified their summations that I didn't love them. Before I was married, physical touch as love language was off limits. I was saving ALL forms of touch for my husband. This is probably why that with my husband (and only my husband) my primary love language is physical touch, imagine that!
Physical Touch and Gifts have negative connotations but if you continue to speak your own love language and not your loved one's language, then you fail to communicate. Proverbs 21:2 says that every man’s way is right in his own eyes, but the Lord knows the hearts. God is the only one who truly knows a person's heart so it's not our place to judge we are only commanded to love.
Do you know the love languages of those in your household? do you know your own love langauge?? You can click here to discover your love language and to learn about all 5!
Society shuns people who speak and hear love as physical touch or gifts. The fact of the matter is people are different. What makes one person feel loved will not necessarily make another person feel loved and by nature, we tend to express love to others in the way we wish they would express love to us. Oftentimes we are told rather bluntly that our way is wrong. Of course no says "your way is wrong" they say, "you just want me for my body", "don't touch me" or "you ain't nothing but a gold digger". The receiver sees the giver's love as insincere and when the giver fails to receive a positive reaction, he or she becomes frustrated. Those on both ends feel unloved when the problem is that they are speaking the wrong love language. So if you really want to share love you need to learn about love languages. If it turns out to be physical touch or receiving gifts don't become judgmental.
I'm even guilty of being judgmental in this area. In the south, physical touch seems to be a popular love language. Everyone wants a hug, guys want to hold hands on the first date, people want to put their hands on your shoulder while talking. Though I have eased up a little, this bothers me. I don't like to hug "random people" and I certainly don't want random people putting their hands on my shoulders while talking. Unfortunately, many people took my disdain of physical touch as statement of how I felt about them. Even though I affirmed and spent quality time with them, I was not speaking their love language. Furthermore, my facial expression and reaction just solidified their summations that I didn't love them. Before I was married, physical touch as love language was off limits. I was saving ALL forms of touch for my husband. This is probably why that with my husband (and only my husband) my primary love language is physical touch, imagine that!
Physical Touch and Gifts have negative connotations but if you continue to speak your own love language and not your loved one's language, then you fail to communicate. Proverbs 21:2 says that every man’s way is right in his own eyes, but the Lord knows the hearts. God is the only one who truly knows a person's heart so it's not our place to judge we are only commanded to love.
Do you know the love languages of those in your household? do you know your own love langauge?? You can click here to discover your love language and to learn about all 5!
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